It’s time where parents should help children to manage their anxiety by providing space for them to talk about their feelings
Not all children are grateful. Suddenly it’s the task of parents to make sure their children do what school requires of them. For some, this works fine and they can continue to work knowing their children are still getting an education. For others, it means that parents and children are stuck in conflict. On a global scale, this is unprecedented. Never have so many children been educated at home. Whilst this isn’t the same situation as home education because schools still hold the responsibility rather than parents. It still may be helpful to see what we can learn from those who have trodden this path before. How can we ensure that children continue to learn and thrive even whilst school’s out?
Expand your perspective on learning: Schools are one type of learning environment which prioritizes academic learning. Home is different and here social and cultural learning can be prioritized. Social learning can be richer and more meaningful than school learning and now could be the time to try that out. Do things together and enable children to do things they enjoy. Read books, make models, play games and make meals. It’s all learning.
What works at school may not work at home: At school the whole system is set up to ensure children comply. There are relatively few distractions and children have very little power. At home, children are surrounded with their own distractions and they have more power. They can say no more easily and they do. This means that efforts to reproduce school at home are frequently full of conflict. It may be more efficient in the long term to focus on finding things the child is interested in and learn about that rather than fighting about worksheets.
Learning is more efficient when the learner is interested: This becomes very clear out of school. As developmental psychologist Alan Thomas says, parents quickly learn that there’s no point in continuing when a child’s eyes glaze over. Trying to persuade a bored child to learn is like trying to fill a sieve with water. Even when it appears that they are learning, nothing sticks. Look for their interest and follow that.
When a child is intrinsically motivated, everything flows better: One way to do this is by giving children meaningful choices about what they do and pointing it out to them when they do things well. Right, now, children have very few choices about their lives so think about what control you can give them in increase their sense of autonomy.
Resistance can be a sign of anxiety: So many children are saying no right now whilst their parents tear their hair out. We’re in the middle of the most anxiety-provoking time globally our children (and us!) have ever experienced. Many children are hyper-aroused and they show this with anger and resistance. If parents react with anger then the child becomes even more anxious and more resistant. It’s a time where parents help children to manage their anxiety by providing space for them to talk about their feelings. Talk about how anxiety is a normal human reaction in this situation and many millions of people are worrying and having trouble sleeping right now. The best thing we know for anxiety is exercise and many children are doing less exercise now that they are stuck in. There are exercise apps for smartphone’s and exercise games on consoles.
Prioritise connections: Peter Gray, a psychologist who researches about how children learn outside school, thinks that children can educate themselves through play, curiosity and sociability. Sociability is the multiplier. Sugata Mitra, who conducted the ‘Hole in the Wall’ experiments in India, says something similar. When children communicate with each other, the learning is quicker as they share their discoveries. Children learn from adults, older and younger children and each other. Setting up video calls for younger children with their friends often works better if you find an activity they can do together. Drawing, craft or playing on a tablet together are all ways of connecting remotely. If they can’t manage other children online, find adults who can spend some time playing remotely. Board games sites allow you to play games together, or Monopoly, Cluedo and Exploding Kittens can all be played with far away friends or family on a tablet.
Joining with children results in more learning and less conflict: At school children are obliged to focus on activities chosen for them by adults. At home, it often works better to join them in what they are doing rather than to try and pull them away. If your children are choosing to do things which you feel is a waste of their time, try joining them and finding out what the attraction is. Use what you learn about their interests to talk together. At home, conversations are an important source of learning for children.
Our children will remember this time forever. Perhaps the most important thing they are learning is how we deal with a crisis and what our priorities are. Protecting their wellbeing and our relationship with them will mean that they can learn more efficiently both now and in the future. This doesn’t have to involve lots of extra time – after all, many parents are juggling full time work with children at home. If parents choose not take on the responsibility for ensuring that that children comply with school requirements but instead leave that with the school, then they can focus their energy on making the time that they do have together fun. We can use this experience to embrace a wider perspective on learning and helping children feel in control by giving them more choices. There are many ways to learn, and school is just one of them.
Authors are research scholars, University of Kashmir
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